I've been thinking so much about this post. Trying to put the right thoughts and words in order. It is a special blog post for me, very dear to my heart because I will open up and share with you my struggle.
While pregnant my husband and I waited to find out the sex of the baby until our baby shower which was at my 7th month. Until then we had no idea if we were having a boy or a girl. One day we were getting ready to go to church and as usual I was running late doing my make-up or changing my outfit (I can't recall) but I remember that my dear husband was upset because we were running late again and He kind of whisper "If we have a girl, I hope she is not like you". I did not pay too much attention at that moment but later on I spoke to him about it. I asked him what did he mean when he said that. I was afraid of his answer because I already knew what was about to come out of his mouth.
The truth is that I struggle with my image as my identity. And I do not only mean my body (if I am fit and slim) but also my hair, my clothes, and wearing make up in my face, what people think of me and how others view me. My husband many times before have told me "You don't have to look 20 pounds lighter, you don't have to wear make up, you don't have to have the perfect outfit or the perfect hair, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL just they way you are" He repeats that to me every time and I still didn't get it. Even though we've been married for 8 years now I know He loves me and I know his opinion is important to me but there is always that voice inside of me saying no, you need some make-up, you need some new clothes, blah blah blah.
In reality, the truth is that I believed the lie that society constantly tell woman, "If you look like this then you are beautiful. I constantly see how other women seek through surgery, unhealthy habits and all kinds of products; the answer for what they think will make them feel beautiful. But I tell you guys NO more. I work out because I enjoy it and it is good for my health and to be honest I do want to look slim and firm but it is no longer who I AM. I am beautiful even if I don't loose weight, if I don't wear make up or have my hair and nails done. Because what matter MOST is who you are inside. How many times you look at the mirror and ask yourself "How's my heart? Do I have envy in my heart? Pride? Selfishness? These are things that makes a woman UGLY. NOT your outward appearance but what do you have inside.
In conclusion, NO I am not perfect and YES I still struggle with my image and how I view myself and how others view me. But I am a work in progress and all I know is that I do not want my "future daughter" if I ever have any to doubt how beautiful she is, to find herself beautiful only when she wears make up and/or her hair and nails looks perfect. I want my daughter to be a woman of virtue, love, compassion, humility and self-confidence. I want my son to look for those same attributes in his future wife, not an outwardly beauty but a beauty that resides in the heart. If that is what I want then it has to start with me.I admit I can do it alone, I need God to help me, everyday. I need to believe his word that I am beautiful and wonderfully made.
Yes, I am and you are too.
God bless you All
Jeny
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